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Dear Diary (I decided to call your Journal) Part 2

Dear Journal;

Thank God we are doing to met with our pastor for pre-marital counseling.  I have so many questions about what marriage will be like.  Do I come completely clean with all the ideas or do I only speak of the things that are superficial?  Do I dare talk to my pastor about sex?  I don't even like talking to my parents about it.  He, he...God only knows what he does to me when I look at him.  Do I share this with my preacher, my teacher or do I let the Lord guide my heart? Self control is the key to any relationship.  That is what I have been told since childhood.  Now I am an adult.  What will it be like be married?  What will it be like having a husband?  What will it be like to have one person for the rest of my life?  What if I don't like him after I get married?  What if it is all about the "Lust" I feel rather than the truth?


Dear Journal;

I finally got to talk to my fiance (I have to laugh at that word I still feel like a little girl inside)  I know I am old enough, I know I understand and have prayed for this my whole life.  I finally got to speak with him about his expectations of me after marriage.  Career, children, money, who is going to do what?  Who is going to be responsible for what.  I have this image of what marriage should be like.  My dad was such a great father.  He taught me, he educated me on sex, but most of all he prayed with me.  Does this man I am going to marry respect me as much as my dad does.  He taught me to be a strong women.  Career women, but never put anything, or anyone before God.  That a family that prays together stays together?  As much as I love this man I am about to marry I find myself having difficulty separated the ideals of marriage from the the reality.

Dear Journal;

I hate this man I am about to marry.  HE IS A CONTROL FREAK!  HE WANTS EVERYTHING HIS WAY.  HE EVENT TOLD ME "MY WAY OR THE HIGH WAY."  I think I am cancelling this marriage.  Taking the high way sound much better than doing things his way.  Meeting with the pastor tomorrow and telling him everything he told me.

Dear Journal,

I told my pastor I am having second thoughts.  The way my fiance talks to me is so disrespectful!  He yells at me.  My fiance was embarrassed.  I felt so bad, to see him hurt and at the same time he deserved it.  Still undecided.  I have to pray and talk with my family.  We are going to go talk with event planners tomorrow.

Dear Journal,
Prayed about what to do.  Control is such a battle right now.  Money, family, friends all want some control.  Checking on line to see what I want.  Should I meet with wedding planners or should I plan this wedding on my own.  Will it just be one more people telling me what to do?  Or will it be someone who will help me find what I really want.  So many people are in our relationship now...everyone has an opinion and a better way to do things.  NO ONE IS LISTENING TO WHAT I WANT!  I think I will contact a wedding planner just to have a conversation and get a professionals opinion. 

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