Etiquette for the Holidays (Part 3) Expect the Best From your Ex!

Hi there, Diamond Glamour Girls,

Here I am again, talking about Etiquette.  There is etiquette for every occasion on earth.  When I was in my youth one of the things I was taught especially during this time of year was to think positive.  About you may ask?  Everything.  My dad was a good example of when to speak and when to keep quiet.  My mom was an example of how when we speak we need to make it count.  Make ourselves heard.   

First lesson:  Don't try to control anyone else.  We are born alone, we die alone.  We as moms want to make every thing great for everyone all the time.  Dad's want the best for their children as well.  Assume this is true even if it's not.  The only person you can control is yourself.  Sometimes that is difficult enough.  This is what is recommended by others.  Make the phone calls you need to.  Write the emails, text the messages and if they don't respond.  Assume the best.  If it is a method of them having some control over themselves.  Then let them have that.  You can't make someone love you.  All you can do is try to be the better person in the situation.  I can tell all kinds of stories about my ex.  The years together and how he treated me now.  There was bad times, there were hard times, there were good times.  Will I talk trash about him!  NO! Why because it will not solve it or make it better.  I made the choice to marry him.  If I talk bad about him, I talk bad about my ability to make a choice. 

Second Lesson:  There is no one who will love you more today than yourself.  Respect yourself.  Your children love you, but you have to love yourself.  I could go into the religious believe system but the truth is.  It is not always in your best interest to share personal details with others.  During the Holidays, people emotions are high.  The goal is to get through them with as much peace as possible.  It is about the unconditional love for your children.  Use self control as much as possible.  If you are about to disrespect, walk away.  Make an excuse.  Do not victimize yourself.

Third Lesson:  The court battle was the court battle.  Like the saying.  What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.  Attorneys give one view point, but you know the truth!  The truth is you know what part you are responsible for.  If he tries to keep your children away from you.  Handle it in the courts.  In the formal situation it is about the moment.  I like to imagine myself in the formality of an elegant movie, with only the best of people.  Truth is spoken with out insult.  It is all so proper, civil and everyone knows you are an excellent communicator.  Setting your boundaries and limits are acceptable.

Fourth Lesson:  Introductions...Formal introductions are " I would like you to meet ___________they are a friend of mine  or a friend of...."    I change it:  " I would like you to meet ____________they enjoy ___________.  That way the people you are introducing have something to talk about.  You don't have to share their pain, or say they are your ex.  Just give them something to talk about.  In the case of introducing your children  you can say.  This is  (name) did you know my child enjoys ____________.  You don't have to mention their ex day.  If you want to mention their day.  Tell the person they have a great "Father".  She is a great "mom" or "Mother".  That way you don't have to speak of how they are as a husband, wife, or person.  Just because it didn't work out for the both of you, doesn't mean it won't work with someone else.  They may be a better person for the lesson's learned in your relationship.  Hopefully, you are too.  If you are reading this it is because your trying.  Give yourself credit for
trying.    
                                                                         

Fifth Lesson:   The goal any couple, person has in common with another when children are involved.  Is happiness.  We all want our children, friends, family to be happy.  Try to imagine or envision that in your life.  At some point you have to begin to heal as a family.  As an individual.   Try to imagine all of you talking again with out the anger, frustration, without the money battles without the lack of love.  Imagine yourself with love, prosperity, peace, understanding and ask people to help you achieve these things again.  I was once told, what you can perceive you can achieve.  Somehow, His grace has to be enough for the beginning of a new life.  Right?
   IF you like this blog, please leave a comment.  If you like this blog and would like to help me make an income, click on an advertiser.  If you like "Diamonds"  then we both think alike so I know you will do whatever you want.  " Happy Holidays!"  Merry Christmas!  or if you prefer... "Merry Christmas!   Happy Holidays!  Praying you get through another year with the Ex.  You can do the same for me.  Thank you!

 

Etiguette for the Holidays and other Events for the Divorced

Hi there Diamond Glamour Girls;

You know the 21st century is different for women and men.  We have been taught to speak anything we want right or wrong.  This creates brokenness within relationships that should not be.  In the case of divorce maybe less said is better in social situations.  Here are some tips I hope you find helpful.


The Ten Rules of Good Ex-Etiquette for Holidays and other Family Celebrations.

1.  Put Children first.
2.  Remember the spirit of the special occasion.
3.  Never badmouth the ex, extended-family members, the host, or others.
4.  Get organized well in advance.
5.  Don't be spiteful.
6.  Don't hold grudges.
7.  Use empathy when problem solving.
8.  Be honest and straightforward.
9.  Respect each other's turf, holiday rituals and family traditions.
10.  Compromise whenever possible.

These tips I found in a wonderful book " Ex-Etiquette for the Holidays and Other Family Celebrations"

Now here is the truth as I see it.  You were at one time under the impression your ex was the dream of your life.  That they could do no wrong, or would not do any wrong.  They did you divorce, separated choose a differently life.  Now you have these social moments where you could spend time arguing fighting about all the things.

The truth is, you both were wrong.   "It takes two to make a marriage it takes two to break up a marriage."  Do not ask your children to save your marriage.


If there was violence involved then the person who hit was wrong first it is a safety issue...do not be around them.  Make sure you have someone to help you.  If you don't have someone who can attend with you then don't.  Give a polite excuse.  If you have children and it is an event or celebration for your child attend. Be around others and quietly leave without victimizing yourself further. 

If he becomes violent in public...make a scene and let it be known.  (EVEN IF VERBAL OR ANY ACTION THAT IT IMPLIES)  Do not go to an isolated location to have a conversation! Maybe someone will help you.  Do not isolate yourself.  I am sorry if this offends.  It is wonderful you have children but your life matters as well.  Let other know that you have been threaten.  I know it is not etiquette and your children might not understand.  Adult abuse excised.  Be safe.

Etiquette works for those situations where you are or have to be polite.  When the children are little it is one thing, but when they are adults they need to know that you "Do Not Want to Be a Victim."

BE SAFE USE GOOD JUDGEMENT AND DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL OR DRUGS THAT WILL IMPAIR YOUR ABILITIES.  THEY JUST MAKE THING WORSE. 

Be safe.   Merry Christmas!  Happy New Years!