Thank God we are doing to met with our pastor for pre-marital counseling. I have so many questions about what marriage will be like. Do I come completely clean with all the ideas or do I only speak of the things that are superficial? Do I dare talk to my pastor about sex? I don't even like talking to my parents about it. He, he...God only knows what he does to me when I look at him. Do I share this with my preacher, my teacher or do I let the Lord guide my heart? Self control is the key to any relationship. That is what I have been told since childhood. Now I am an adult. What will it be like be married? What will it be like having a husband? What will it be like to have one person for the rest of my life? What if I don't like him after I get married? What if it is all about the "Lust" I feel rather than the truth?
Dear Journal;
I finally got to talk to my fiance (I have to laugh at that word I still feel like a little girl inside) I know I am old enough, I know I understand and have prayed for this my whole life. I finally got to speak with him about his expectations of me after marriage. Career, children, money, who is going to do what? Who is going to be responsible for what. I have this image of what marriage should be like. My dad was such a great father. He taught me, he educated me on sex, but most of all he prayed with me. Does this man I am going to marry respect me as much as my dad does. He taught me to be a strong women. Career women, but never put anything, or anyone before God. That a family that prays together stays together? As much as I love this man I am about to marry I find myself having difficulty separated the ideals of marriage from the the reality.
Dear Journal;
I hate this man I am about to marry. HE IS A CONTROL FREAK! HE WANTS EVERYTHING HIS WAY. HE EVENT TOLD ME "MY WAY OR THE HIGH WAY." I think I am cancelling this marriage. Taking the high way sound much better than doing things his way. Meeting with the pastor tomorrow and telling him everything he told me.
Dear Journal,
I told my pastor I am having second thoughts. The way my fiance talks to me is so disrespectful! He yells at me. My fiance was embarrassed. I felt so bad, to see him hurt and at the same time he deserved it. Still undecided. I have to pray and talk with my family. We are going to go talk with event planners tomorrow.
Dear Journal,
Prayed about what to do. Control is such a battle right now. Money, family, friends all want some control. Checking on line to see what I want. Should I meet with wedding planners or should I plan this wedding on my own. Will it just be one more people telling me what to do? Or will it be someone who will help me find what I really want. So many people are in our relationship now...everyone has an opinion and a better way to do things. NO ONE IS LISTENING TO WHAT I WANT! I think I will contact a wedding planner just to have a conversation and get a professionals opinion.
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