First lesson: Don't try to control anyone else. We are born alone, we die alone. We as moms want to make every thing great for everyone all the time. Dad's want the best for their children as well. Assume this is true even if it's not. The only person you can control is yourself. Sometimes that is difficult enough. This is what is recommended by others. Make the phone calls you need to. Write the emails, text the messages and if they don't respond. Assume the best. If it is a method of them having some control over themselves. Then let them have that. You can't make someone love you. All you can do is try to be the better person in the situation. I can tell all kinds of stories about my ex. The years together and how he treated me now. There was bad times, there were hard times, there were good times. Will I talk trash about him! NO! Why because it will not solve it or make it better. I made the choice to marry him. If I talk bad about him, I talk bad about my ability to make a choice.
Second Lesson: There is no one who will love you more today than yourself. Respect yourself. Your children love you, but you have to love yourself. I could go into the religious believe system but the truth is. It is not always in your best interest to share personal details with others. During the Holidays, people emotions are high. The goal is to get through them with as much peace as possible. It is about the unconditional love for your children. Use self control as much as possible. If you are about to disrespect, walk away. Make an excuse. Do not victimize yourself.
Third Lesson: The court battle was the court battle. Like the saying. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Attorneys give one view point, but you know the truth! The truth is you know what part you are responsible for. If he tries to keep your children away from you. Handle it in the courts. In the formal situation it is about the moment. I like to imagine myself in the formality of an elegant movie, with only the best of people. Truth is spoken with out insult. It is all so proper, civil and everyone knows you are an excellent communicator. Setting your boundaries and limits are acceptable.
Fourth Lesson: Introductions...Formal introductions are " I would like you to meet ___________they are a friend of mine or a friend of...." I change it: " I would like you to meet ____________they enjoy ___________. That way the people you are introducing have something to talk about. You don't have to share their pain, or say they are your ex. Just give them something to talk about. In the case of introducing your children you can say. This is (name) did you know my child enjoys ____________. You don't have to mention their ex day. If you want to mention their day. Tell the person they have a great "Father". She is a great "mom" or "Mother". That way you don't have to speak of how they are as a husband, wife, or person. Just because it didn't work out for the both of you, doesn't mean it won't work with someone else. They may be a better person for the lesson's learned in your relationship. Hopefully, you are too. If you are reading this it is because your trying. Give yourself credit for
trying.
Fifth Lesson: The goal any couple, person has in common with another when children are involved. Is happiness. We all want our children, friends, family to be happy. Try to imagine or envision that in your life. At some point you have to begin to heal as a family. As an individual. Try to imagine all of you talking again with out the anger, frustration, without the money battles without the lack of love. Imagine yourself with love, prosperity, peace, understanding and ask people to help you achieve these things again. I was once told, what you can perceive you can achieve. Somehow, His grace has to be enough for the beginning of a new life. Right?
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