Tuesday, September 13, 2011

19 Ways To Overcome Shyness At Work

Diamond Girls let me encourage you to overcome any shyness you might be feeling. I have taught many of these techniques to others and I have to tell you they work.  www.mariakamon.com
Written by:  Eric Goldschein
At one time or another, we all suffer from it: shyness, social anxiety, being a wallflower. Call it what you will, but it's still a debilitating affliction.
One of the most important things to remember about shyness is that it reflects personal discomfort. Once we learn to accept ourselves -- our faults and our secrets as well as our positive attributes -- we can bring that into our interactions with other people.
Here's a list of 19 ways to improve yourself inwardly so you can project better outwardly.

1.     Have a conversation road map

Psychologist Bernardo Carducci says we talk to strangers in five stages: opening line, introductions, trying out topics, exploring common ground, and closure, where you sum things up and possibly exchange contact information. If you can remember these steps, you can recognize where you are and where you should be going next.

2.     Warm up before parties

Carducci advises us to show up early to parties, to get a chance for one-on-one time. Then use "quick talk": talking to a lot of different people in a short period of time, without getting too deep or putting pressure on yourself to keep the conversation going. By the time you've had the same conversation eight or ten times, you'll know who is the most interesting and if you made a connection.

3.     Stay informed and say anything

When it comes to breaking the ice, the purpose is just to signal that you're interested in talking -- the topic is irrelevant. "You don't have to be an expert," says Carducci, but it does help to be informed. Knowing what's going on in local news or pop culture can help conversation flow.
When it comes to brainstorming conversations, there are two rules: don't throw in comments to impress people, and don't judge. Others will participate more freely if they don't think you'll criticize them. 

4.     Look approachable

Therapist Erika Hilliard says body language plays a huge role in how we are perceived and how we feel about others. People who hide behind a neutral mask can make others think we are hostile or aloof. By keeping our head up, standing tall and looking friendly, our attention moves outward and our peers are more likely to recognize that.

5.     When approaching a stranger, relive a confident moment

"Remember the last time you were shining inside and out, and your body will be responsive," says Hilliard. This works better than pretending, or trying to hide your anxiety.

6.     Make eye contact -- it shows respect and gives a good first impression


To soften your gaze, look lightly around the person's face, says relationship coach Susan Rabin

7.     Give more information than necessary so the conversation doesn't drop off


8.     For public speaking, anticipate your stage fright

According to psychologist Mark Leary, nervousness is determined by the importance of an event's consequences and your level of confidence in your success.
Evaluate these two factors and you'll know how much to prepare -- making you less surprised by your body's arousal when the event comes around.

9.     Do a dress rehearsal before you give a speech


This goes beyond reviewing your notes. Psychologist Peter Desberg advises wearing the clothes you'll be wearing that day, reading your speech with a light shining in your eyes if you'll be in a dark room, and learn to enjoy the rush of delivering your address.

10.Go for laughs

Desberg himself noticed that the more humor he employed in class, the higher the ratings he received on his end-of-semester evaluations.

11.Remember that during a speech, you're the one they need


The crowd -- whether three people or 300 -- is there to hear what you have to say. One good tip for distracting yourself from the sound of your heart pounding through your chest is to practice grounding techniques, such as feeling your feet against the floor.

12.When flirting, be yourself or be someone else


Step into a carefree alter ego, so "you can say things you wouldn't ordinarily say and be more flirtatious." If you get rejected, who cares? That was your alter ego anyway.

13.Be agreeable

Much in the same way that you don't want to judge or criticize right off the bat, don't be afraid to be agreeable and show you have similar attitudes. This comes from the book First Impressions by Ann Demarais and Valerie White.
Of course, only do this if you actually agree or have a similar attitude.

14.At work, figure out what you're avoiding

If you need to confront someone at the office but are scared to do so, Peter Desberg tells us that we need to weigh the cost of waiting with the benefit of going for it. If the benefits outweigh the costs, you know what you have to do -- no bout of shyness is worth a blow to your career.

15.Cut short procrastination

Procrastination can extend to putting off standing up for yourself. If this happens, note why you've stopped. Desberg says that you'll feel the impetus to take action once you realize you're just making excuses.

16.Feeling intimidated? Use your imagination

Erika Hilliard says: Imagine your body growing until your head skims the ceiling. Now your boss looks like a 5-year-old child who wants a hug.
See yourself smiling warmly, and the interaction is more likely to go well.

17.Become the Don Corleone of networking

In networking, figuring out how to help the people you meet is more important that seeing how they can help you, says Carducci. If you bring people together, "you will become powerful and vital, like Don Corleone."

18.Give Morita therapy a try -- it's helped 80 to 90 percent of those treated

Originating from Japan, Morita therapy tells us to accept that we are shy and to act anyway.
A student who felt shy around girls was told to go talk to them anyway, despite the anxiety. "I feel more self-confident when I accept that I am not a surefire person," the student reported afterward. "I'm confident, however, that I will get things done."
As any Buddhist can tell you, life is suffering. The trick is to accept that and to move forward.

19.Set goals under your control

Before an important event, such as a job interview, list the anxiety-provoking factors. Then select the issues that you actually control, such as how you describe your accomplishments. Now tackle each issue, with methods such as a mock presentation, until your fears dissipate.





Article Quoted from Business Insider:   http://www.businessinsider.com/ways-to-overcome-shyness-2011-9#

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