Diamond Girls let me encourage you to overcome any shyness you might be feeling. I have taught many of these techniques to others and I have to tell you they work. www.mariakamon.com
Written by: Eric Goldschein
At one time or another, we all
suffer from it: shyness, social anxiety, being a wallflower. Call it what you
will, but it's still a debilitating affliction.
One of the most important things to
remember about shyness is that it reflects personal
discomfort. Once we learn to accept ourselves -- our faults and our secrets
as well as our positive attributes -- we can bring that into our interactions
with other people.
Here's a list of 19 ways to improve yourself inwardly so you can project
better outwardly.
1. Have a conversation road map
Psychologist
Bernardo Carducci says we talk to strangers in five stages: opening line,
introductions, trying out topics, exploring common ground, and closure, where
you sum things up and possibly exchange contact information. If you can
remember these steps, you can recognize where you are and where you should be
going next.
2. Warm up before parties
Carducci advises us to show up
early to parties, to get a chance for one-on-one time. Then use "quick
talk": talking to a lot of different people in a short period of time,
without getting too deep or putting pressure on yourself to keep the
conversation going. By the time you've had the same conversation eight or ten
times, you'll know who is the most interesting and if you made a connection.
3. Stay informed and say anything
When it comes to breaking the ice,
the purpose is just to signal that you're interested in talking -- the topic is
irrelevant. "You
don't have to be an expert," says Carducci, but it does help to be
informed. Knowing what's going on in local news or pop culture can help
conversation flow.
When it comes to brainstorming
conversations, there are two rules: don't throw in comments to impress people,
and don't judge. Others will participate more freely if they don't think you'll
criticize them.
4. Look approachable
Therapist
Erika Hilliard says body language plays a huge role in how we are perceived
and how we feel about others. People who hide behind a neutral mask can make
others think we are hostile or aloof. By keeping our head up, standing tall and
looking friendly, our attention moves outward and our peers are more likely to
recognize that.
5. When approaching a stranger, relive a confident moment
"Remember the last time you
were shining inside and out, and your body will be responsive," says
Hilliard. This works better than pretending, or trying to hide your
anxiety.
6. Make eye contact -- it shows respect and gives a good first impression
To soften your gaze, look lightly around the person's face, says relationship coach Susan Rabin
7. Give more information than necessary so the conversation doesn't drop off
8. For public speaking, anticipate your stage fright
According
to psychologist Mark Leary, nervousness is determined by the importance of
an event's consequences and your level of confidence in your success.
Evaluate these two factors and
you'll know how much to prepare -- making you less surprised by your body's
arousal when the event comes around.
9. Do a dress rehearsal before you give a speech
This goes beyond reviewing your notes. Psychologist Peter Desberg advises wearing the clothes you'll be wearing that day, reading your speech with a light shining in your eyes if you'll be in a dark room, and learn to enjoy the rush of delivering your address.
10.Go for laughs
Desberg
himself noticed that the more humor he employed in class, the higher the
ratings he received on his end-of-semester evaluations.
11.Remember that during a speech, you're the one they need
The crowd -- whether three people or 300 -- is there to hear what you have to say. One good tip for distracting yourself from the sound of your heart pounding through your chest is to practice grounding techniques, such as feeling your feet against the floor.
12.When flirting, be yourself or be someone else
Step into a carefree alter ego, so "you can say things you wouldn't ordinarily say and be more flirtatious." If you get rejected, who cares? That was your alter ego anyway.
13.Be agreeable
Much in the same way that you don't
want to judge or criticize right off the bat, don't be afraid to be
agreeable and show you have similar attitudes. This comes from the book First
Impressions by Ann Demarais and Valerie White.
Of course, only do this if you
actually agree or have a similar attitude.
14.At work, figure out what you're avoiding
If you need to confront someone at
the office but are scared to do so, Peter Desberg tells us that we need to
weigh the cost of waiting with the benefit
of going for it. If the benefits outweigh the costs, you know what you have
to do -- no bout of shyness is worth a blow to your career.
15.Cut short procrastination
Procrastination can extend to putting
off standing up for yourself. If this happens, note why you've stopped. Desberg
says that you'll feel the impetus to take action once you realize you're
just making excuses.
16.Feeling intimidated? Use your imagination
Erika
Hilliard says: Imagine your body growing until your head skims the ceiling.
Now your boss looks like a 5-year-old child who wants a hug.
See yourself smiling warmly, and the
interaction is more likely to go well.
17.Become the Don Corleone of networking
In networking, figuring out how to
help the people you meet is more important that seeing how they can help you, says
Carducci. If you bring people together, "you will become powerful and
vital, like Don Corleone."
18.Give Morita therapy a try -- it's helped 80 to 90 percent of those treated
Originating from Japan, Morita
therapy tells us to accept that we are shy and to act anyway.
A student who felt shy around girls
was told to go talk to them anyway, despite the anxiety. "I feel more
self-confident when I
accept that I am not a surefire person," the student reported
afterward. "I'm confident, however, that I will get things done."
As any Buddhist can tell you, life
is suffering. The trick is to accept that and to move forward.
19.Set goals under your control
Before an important event, such as a
job interview, list the anxiety-provoking factors. Then select the issues that
you actually control, such as how you describe your accomplishments. Now tackle
each issue, with methods such as a mock presentation, until your fears
dissipate.
No comments:
Post a Comment