In a Moment of Panic or is it A Cry for Help?

Hi there, Diamond Glamour Girls;

I awoke this morning to different noises. Rooster crowing, dogs barking, birds tweeting and neighbors warming up their cars, trucks for the long morning commute to work. It is country here. I am so not here, yet I am here. Do you understand? I am physically here, however my thought are on the home I lost. My life! My mom can't relate, she has never experienced this type of devastation. Her husband, was an immediate 911 call. To old and frie. What am I doing?

Have you ever felt like a child. Not in the normal way, or adult way, as the child that was hurt and needed you mom? That's a feeling that is indescribable as an adult woman. The pain so intense it would make even the strongest of adults cry for their mom. The pain described best by Job 30:16-23. No, I am not Jesus (I know Him) or Job (I am not Job, I have read about him and I once was a Job's Daughter even became Honored Queen), I am a woman from my birth, however I can relate to this type of pain. A pain so intense You just pick up the belongings you have and run to the what you think is safety. It is safety?

Great lead in for a blog don't you think. Intense! How else can one describe the pain one feels when they have to leave everything behind and move in with a mom that is re-married and has a life with her husband and their own way of being. It is a mom who is no longer the mom of your youth, yet you need the mom of your youth to talk to, to share your life with and what just happen.  It is a time when you both don't understand each other. Communication is no longer there in the same way. She can't relate to your experience and you can't relate to hers. She is now older than what you thought and her husband is even older. Instead of allowing us time, he tries to help (by trying to fix things.) There are some things that can't be fixed.
                                                                                                                                      Broken Marriages
                                                                                                                                Broken Hearts
                                                                                                                        Broken Homes
                                                                                                                 Destroyed Lives
                                                                                                        Employment Lost
                                                                                                 Financial Loss
                                                                                          Hurt Children
                                                                                     Burden Lives
                                                                                 Stolen Lives
 I ask myself...
      Would it have been easier if I would of just asked a neighbor for help?
             Would it have been better if I would have gone to a hotel?
                     Would it have been better if I would have asked my local church if I could sleep in their                                       building, so I could have shelter?
                          Would it have been easier if I would have would it have been better if I would have gone to                                my young man's dorm room and asked if I could sleep there?
                              Would it have been better if I would have gone to my ex-husband's home and humbled                                      myself again and asked to sleep there?
                                 Would it have been better if I would have run to the Doctors and gotten medication for                                     the pain?
                             
What is the right decision when that pain is greater than your ability to cope? That is something that even the bible doesn't talk about. Job lost everything. Job 14:22 "But his flesh will be in pain over it, And his soul will mourn over it." I mourn! I mourn! I SHOUT! Thank You!  

"If he offers it for a thanksgiving, then he shall offer with the sacrifice of thanksgiving,unleavened cakes mixed with oil, unleavened wafers anointed with oil, or cakes of blended flour mixed with oil. " Lev 7:12   Is this communion? Does he take even my right to have communion? Fellowship?What does the Lord want, that he doesn't already have? That he hasn't already done? Taken?

I like you am trying to figure it all out. In the wink of an eye my life changed. "Let them not rejoice over me who are wrongfully my enemies: Nor let them wink with the eye who hate me without a cause." Psalm 35:19

What will I do today that will make a difference? In my life? In the life of another? Did you hear my cry?

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